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10 of the Best Responses for Craziest Things Seen at Phish

August 30, 2017 - By Brando Rich

*Warning this contains explicit material and language*

Today at the office we decided to ask people to slow down when responding to posts, to take their time to think about their responses to tickets...and most of all, to have FUN! It's easy to forget not to take it all too seriously. You think with our favorite band being who they are, we would never forget...but hey! It happens, it certainly is stressful to be a phan sometimes.

So one of our Developers, posted a Friday ticket for Dick's and asked the question "what is the craziest thing you have seen at a Phish show?" The responses were out of control...here are the top 10. (some shortened) After reading through the hundreds of responses, we thought that these were some of the craziest stories. We were surprised though at the dozens of people who have seen people taking shits in the middle of the shows. Who knew it was so common? I guess sometimes everyone needs a friendly reminder to eat well, hydrate as much as possible, and have FUN in this crazy show of life!

- Your Friends at CashorTrade

1. "At IT I watched a wookette giving birth during the Tower Jam set. People were trying to get medical help, but they hadn't arrived. Some other wookette claimed to be a midwife and was coaching the woman through this. Her wook man is standing there shirtless and spun like top, just making these weird sounds while he is crushing his beer can and spraying coors light all over everyone. He looked really anxious about the whole thing, grabbing his face and just making grunts and stuff. The baby's head starts to crown and the medics still haven't arrived. This is where it gets crazy... It was so fucking dusty out there and the baby and all the surrounding fluids were immediately "muddified" by the blowing dirt. I mean, its fucking gross. All of a sudden, this fucking kid (probably 19 or 20) in his oversized neon, flat-brim LRG hat, runs up yelling "welcome to the party bitch!" before he blows a huge plume of smoke right in the baby's face! While the umbilical cord is still attached and shit! The smell was unmistakeable, this baby had just been deemster'd. He must have pulled the hit from a bong, b/c it was monstrous. The surrounding crowd dropped their jaws, and someone tackled the kid as he starts to run away. He didn't make it more than 10ft and the he was probably blasting off about now. The mom is clutching the dirty baby and trying to calm it. Though, strangely, the baby was not crying (tripping balls i guess?). And while the dude is getting screamed at, the dad suddenly pounces into action. He jumps on the dude, and starts smashing said bisco kid's face with the crushed up beer can, of which he seemingly just can't let go. The bisco kid is kicking and trying to roll out of it and the wook-dad grabs the kid's hair w/ one hand. he finally let the can go and shoves his other hand half way inside the guys mouth. He is pulling his mouth open and RIPS HIS CHEEK OPEN! repeat: rips his fucking CHEEK OPEN! there is blood everywhere and the dude lets out this braveheart-like scream as he gets pulled off by the folks around him. Blood all over bisco kid's face, shirt and formerly fresh flat breezy. The cops/medics arrived about that time and took over the situation. Shit was crazy as hell."

2. "Craziest thing. . . .hmmmm. Okay. . .5 years ago, after the last night of the run, at the camping area at Phish Dick's. . . .There was a a man dressed in pharoah hat and a sequined Pharoah cape that said "The Pharoah of Tahoe" on it. He was standing on the top of the grassy knoll seemingly preaching to his people. Then the whole crowd started chanting "Roll down the hill! Roll down the Hill! And then he did! Cape, crown and all! When he landed, he got up, some one handed him a large branch and he led a crowd of people in a roaming dance party all around the periphery of tent city. Someone was carrying a ghetto blaster playing Phish (of course) and the crowd kept growing, and singing and dancing. They made It around once, but then security started chasing down people because they were lighting off fireworks. They were like The Keystone Cops trying to catch everyone around in their little golf carts. It was so fun! I just love Phish at Dick's so much! So many good memories! Trying to make more. Thanks for listening. Enjoy your life! See you soon!"

3. "Years ago- some time in the mid to late 90's...after a show in Canada- ?toronto??? Anyway, my friend and I were in our cab and saw Mike wandering down the street. We picked him up in our cab. He was lost trying to find this bar holding a private party for the band. We found it and he brought us in with him, did shots of tequila with Mike, met page and fish (I patted him on the head, he's short ?). Trey was busy off in some corner...you know it was the 90's. but what a time! I told Mike never to go back to Virginia Beach and to play bath tub gin. Fun memories."

4. "To answer you question, walking into 2009/08/16 SPAC after a scorching hot day it began to POUR! I will never forget dry Trey's face glowing while everyone on the lawn looked like soaked rats. Next, as Fishman began singing Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" a girl started convulsing on the ground and emergency services were called in to help her. As if the day hadn't been eventful enough already, I walked out into the lot only to find a female midget (you may have seen her through the years selling nitrous carrying a baseball bat) proceed to crush someone's femur for some reason as a group of two other men dragged the guy off. Surreal things all around. That was enough for me; what a strange ending to a tour."

5. "Not technically on lot but at Lee's campground in Saratoga I once saw a santa claus yelling ho ho ho at the top of his lungs on bicycle being chased by a three guys screaming "someone stop him, that fake fucking santa broke into my house and stole all my fucking presents!!!"

6. "SPAC at Lee's 2 years ago(?) a guy we befriended dosed so hard he 1) was convinced members of the Dead came out and did a cover of Bertha at the show and 2) did go to bed till 5ish (obvious reasons) however he did not make it to his tent and ended up in someone else's. So at around 6 we all heard some screaming "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY TENT" repeatedly and then my buddy climbing out hugging the guy's pillow for dear life. Also the same night some people were saying they were going to set off a canon after the show and we didn't really think much of it & after the show we were all talking and chillin just to have a loud ass bang go off."

7. "Huge burrito for lunch > free ballin for the show > rip shorts in portopotty pre show > tape it up > extreme tear pre show > dicks out > guest services hooks it up with free shorts > phish rocked my shorts off at dicks"

8. "My first Phish show was in Charlottesville in 2009 when the naked guy ran on stage during Ya Mar. Now at every show I secretly hope a naked guy runs on stage again haha. "

9. "Saw a dude go into the portapotty, the portapotty then begins to shake violently for about 3 minutes. Though homie was having a seizure, he wasn't and he came out butt naked smoking a cig."

10. "Saw a girl jump out of van take shit in lot cover it up with grass then a dog walks up and eats it then turns around and licks his owner in the face while doing a drug transaction. This was my first show ever at deer creek '04."